alone

sorry i haven't posted a blog in a long time. not that the three of you who follow me care. i've just been extremely depressed lately and i haven't been wanting to do anything. i don't every want to get out of bed, go to school, go out on the weekends, nothing. all i ever want to do is lay in bed. sometimes i lay there just wondering what the fuck is wrong with me. i can't do anything right. i fuck everything up. plus i'm the fattest person ever. seriously sometimes i wish i could just take some scissors and cut all of my fat off. and the guy i talked about last time pretty much hates me now and i have no clue why. but i'm guessing its because i'm so damn fat. !@#$ sorry i'm complaining about everything its just super hard not to when you feel this bad. and the worst part is i have absolutely no one to talk to. i feel so alone.. i really wish i could just go somewhere far away all by myself. i need people around me who understand what i'm going through. it seems like anytime i want something or someone i never get it. nothing ever goes my way. well anyways i hope everyone else is doing good..

peyton.

FML.

i spend to many of my days crying.

success

i got my new car! its amazing, i'm in love. and the best part is i did great on my diet even though i was with family all day! ahhh.. thats all i have to say for this post. hope you all are doing well! xo

fucccked.

so i ended up not going to school today. and i didn't go through with my diet. but i still ate really good. so i was all good. thats pretty much all i have to say about that. like i said in my other post my dad is taking me to get a car tomorrow.. so that means i'm going to be with him ALL day. FML. i pretty much hate my dad and its extremely awkward when we're together by ourselves. and plus that means i'm going to have to eat normal. the only thing thats good about this whole situation is that i'm getting a car. and if i wasn't getting one i defiantly would NOT be going. oh well i'm sure everything will go just fine. hope you all are doing well with everything.

xo peyton

no cheating!

so its really hard for me to find time to update this everyday.. but starting today i'm going to make it one of my priorities to write a blog because i've found that it really does help me with my diet. so nothing really new has happen in the past few days, i started a new diet. and i've followed it.. but not really. like i eat what i'm supposed to but i'll have little things on the side. which is really bad. but its hard because i've stayed home sick from school the past few days and its hard not to eat a bunch of shit when you're stuck at home with nothing to do but eat. but tomorrow is friday and i'm going back to school and i'm going to focus on being 100% committed to sticking to my diet. and my best friend knows i'm doing it so she's going to help me not cheat. its going to be so hard. wish me luck guys! on a lighter note! i just turned sixteen (feb. 3) and i've had a car since i was 15 because in my state you can drive to and from school legally, but my parents let me drive anywhere, anyways it was a really shitty car. well it wasn't that bad i just hated it. it was a 2000 ford taurus. and this saturday i'm finally getting a new car! woo! i'm so excited (: haha well anyways thats all for now. i hope all of you are doing fantastic and i hope you're doing amazing on your diets! lets do this together!

stay strong, peyton.

eh..

so last night was my friends party and i didn't eat but i drank a lot.. which alcohol has tonnnnnns of calories in it. eh, but tomorrow i'm starting a new diet! i think that if i have an actual diet plan instead of just not eating very much, i'll do better. and i know its going to be really hard, but i know i can do it! or at least i hope i can do it.. eh. i know that in the end it will be so worth it! this has nothing to do with weight/food etc but last night this guy that i've been 'talking' to called me and i'm pretty sure i totally fucked things up for us. it was just really awkward and after we hung up i immediately regretted not saying/saying things. so i hope everything with that situation is still good. that didn't make sense. oh well. anyways thats all for now.. i'll let you guys know how i do on my diet tomorrow! hope ya'll are doing good with you're diets! stay strong! xo

going strong

i've been doing really good on my diet every since i binged the other day! (: i've lost five pounds also! but this weekend is going to be tough.. its a three day weekend (!) annnnnd my friends birthday. but as long as i stay strong i know i can do it. all i have to do is picture what i want to look like in my mind and i know i won't eat! ahh.. hopefully everything goes as plan. i'll keep you guys filled in. i hope all of you are doing good with your diets! stay strong! we can do this together! (:

thanks to kate, i now know how to put up pictures (:

haha so hers some thinspo.. enjoy!

...

today sucked. i was doing really good with my diet until after school. when my size 0 best friend who can eat whatever she wants and still mange to stay under 100 pounds came over. every time i'm with her i eat so fucking much it makes me sick. uhhh.. i tried so hard not too but it was just to damn hard. and then afterwards i wanted to purge so bad, but i didn't. which thats good i guess.. now i just feel super bad and fat. but i worked out for two hours! hopefully tomorrow will be better..

- i don't know how to put pictures on here? so i guess i won't be putting up any thinspo haha

hey, fat ass! how's it going?

helloooooo

today was a good day.. well for the most part. i had to wake up at 5:30, an hour early, because i had to take my mom to work. two words: not fun. when i woke up i had a fiber one bar (only 90 calories! woo hoo!) and a cup of water. and then i had a half cup of iced tea.. just to keep me awake during the day. the morning was going great.. until i got to school. because you see, school is the one place that i absolutely HATE going to. and its not because of the 'school' part.. i actually don't mind that. its the fact that every time i walk down the halls or when i'm sitting in a desk, i feel like everyone is starring at me thinking about how fat and disgusting i am. and i hate it. i used to dress up for school. now i mostly wear sweats, hoodies, jeans, and loose tops. !@#$ its just so damn frustrating! I NEED TO GET SKINNY. i can't live like this anymore! good thing i did amazing on my diet today :) pat on the back for me! that was pretty much the only good thing about today. for lunch i had a bottle of water. and for dinner i had half of a salad. and the best part is.. i'm not even hungry. i think i've finally found the self control i've been looking for for the past year. lets hope so anyways.. on a brighter note, tomorrow i'm going to post some thinspo pictures! yay!

well i have to study for a spanish test thats tomorrow, FML.

stay strong! peyton.

oh hey..

my name is peyton. i'm sixteen years old. and i'm a fucking fat ass.

basically i've never written a blog in my entire life. and (no offense to anyone!) i've always thought of people who 'blog' to be weird.. so we're just going to call this my online journal. alright cool. so let me tell you a little bit about myself. i'm a sophomore in high school and i have body issues and i'm extremely insecure. there is no one in my life who can relate to me, or who i can talk to about my problems with my weight. no one understands and i always feel so alone. so thats why i decided to make a blog. pathetic right? i guess you could say i'm desperate. desperate to meet someone who actually can relate to what i'm going through and can give me advice on things. i don't know if anyone will even end up reading this, but even if no one does i'm still going to update. i think its good for me to let everything out.. even if it is over the internet. anyways i'm going to try my hardest to update this everyday.. so we will see how that goes! sorry this was incredibly awkward, i have no clue what i'm doing.

stay skinny, peyton.